So the other day I installed Tinder. I’ve used it for several weeks and the biggest discovery I’ve made was its similarity with Linkedin to the levels I’d consider worthy sharing.

Two sites one goal

The user experience starts with filling the form about yourself. You write down your skills and preferences. Then goes a catchy tagline to attract the HRs/tindermates.

Adding photo is essential to the profile and thanks to machine learning advances you can adapt your amateur selfie to a professional-looking photo for either network on the very same website, on the same page.

Pro tip: don’t mess up and use the wrong photo for the wrong resource

I am an RnD specialist so basically my profile is almost the same for the both of the resources:

Looking for a company to get a research and development position.

With 7+ years of experience can work for hours in the field, in the lab and overtime.

Using Python daily, backend is preferred.

Experienced in mechanical engineering, robotics.

Other interests: music, physics, Spike Milligan

Then you enter the ‘main loop’: resource gives you filled forms of other participants and you have to choose. Some you like, some you don’t. Some of us might be desperate enough to apply to every single one thinking it will increase the chances. Others would try to mint the profile for a very specific range of interests. This goes on for a while.

Then the resource (Tindedin?) starts to earn the money. You are spammed with pay-to-win proposals. Want to write messages before a match? Pay for it. Want to promote your profile in the search? Just pay for it. Want to see who viewed your profile? Paid option.

You think you are not that stupid and deny the proposition. Then the alorithm will start giving you personal discounts ending with a “Super premium personal one-time promotion” that lasts for one day and is on the order of 50% discount that puts the price from “ridiculously overpriced” to “stupidly overpriced”. And you will get the promotions everywhere they can reach you: private messages, app notifications, emails.

You start analysing your potential connections, but soon you find out that you are limited in number of connection applications. One of those has a sort-of-hardcoded number of forms per inetraction period, while another can “spot too many dropped applications coming from your account” and limit your ability for sending new ones, which is essentially the same mechanism.

You try to optimise the algorithm and you find out that the sattelite “optimisation-oriented industry” is the same too. There are hugelots of resources that promise you to “hack the system” for a little fee of just around a $100. You will be given a personal assessor who will “Tailor your profile for a maximum throughput” - that’s almost identical slogan for the both of resources.

All of those optimisers have the same user interface that allows you to insert a link to the profile. Then you will be sent a generic email with standard tips for the candidates and “extended review” option for a fee.

When you’re back into the flow you start mentioning the patterns and it turns out that some of the profiles are fake. Yes, there are fake jobs on Linkedin.

And then eventually you get a match. One has to understand that people on the other side are expected to be deviant in a way. It’s those who are not among managers, developers, testers or sysadmins for a reason. Lost souls hungry for human resource and you are a resource. And you are most likely hungry too. But one has to remember about safety anyway.

So congratulations, you are promoted to the next stage. I call it “Turing Test Stage”. You are limited with text messages format but trying to play a game to optimise time and chances for an interview. You try to act ‘cool’ and prove the other side you are not mental or something. You are expected to ask questins and answer questions. And at the same time hope you are not talking to a robot, scammer or nigerian Prince who is totally not a scammer.

Since both of the resources are commercial, they are not interested in user’s success - it’s rather users fails and comebacks that matter. It feels like danger rooms in Dwarf Fortress: the areas where dwarves are stabbed with wooden spikes that will train their armour useage skills without actually killing the poor entities. “It’s for your own good” on other words.

Also note that not all of the actors in this ballet are interested in straightforward and logical ending too: the HR’s may be interested in gathering throughput statistics, tinderusers may be interested in promoting instagram/photo-/massage-/psychologist-sessions or applicants can use the resource to ‘just monitor the market’.

Let’s hope you are successful with the Turing test stage, you are given a privilege to meeting in person. The “Poker Stage”. You are a fool to go there and “just be yourself”. That’s literally a waste of your time. An applicant should train the art of an interview since that’s where you have the real control over people’s minds and make them believe you are a real welder. So make sure to bring lots of paint and an angle-grinder.

Pro tip: there are many ways to show your motivation. Going along the rails is not always the shortest path

What if you just want to get a match and live happily? Grow up and lose hope, that’s what. Or invent a time machine. Or consider using other ways to get a match, not just commercial danger rooms perhaps

And the next thing you want after using the resource is to write it open-source without all of its fatal flaws. What an app it would have been!

The differences

Of course, not everything is literally identical. For example there are no “Super-applications” on Linkedin. There is no networking on Tinder.

You are not forced to read the spam newsfeed in Tinder and you are not forced to develop a game-like addiction on Linkedin.

Tinder tries to limit user interaction to the borders of the app, while job application would require registration on a gazillion 3rd party sites that will store all of your personal information there because you are desperate. Then they sell it. “Selling people’s desperation” - what a slogan! But a true genious would also stick to “Selling people their ow desperation”.

Another point would be an interview stage that requires skill assessment when applying for a job. And to be honest I haven’t heard of the cases when someone brought a tomato to the first Tinder date for the given purpose. Please contact me if I’m wrong, I’ll correct this part.

Another difference would be a web version. It’s not common practice nowadays, but Tinder has a nearly tolerable web version that is almost not a pain to use. While Linkedin is a social network-like monster that tries to become a Facebook or something.

Note to those, who finds this article educative and not satire

I’m not the first to write about all those marketing tricks and there are better resources to learn exactly it. I wish you don’t consider using this article as a “progressive marketing advice” resource, still can’t influence your decisions. That was a softer form for “Burn in hell if you do” I guess.

PS

No humans were harmed except for the author. Coefficient of conversion is less than one in a hundred for the L-entity. And way less than that for the T-entity. Not recommended